i find some kind of peace when i write.

finding it harder and harder to express myself when i speak, yet finding it easier as i write it out for you all. as i sit and let my thoughts wander, they suddenly start to make sense. writing all of sudden calms my soul, it puts me at ease, bringing my mind and body at pure tranquillity. i can’t express it enough how deeply i feel, how some days are heavier than others. i look forward to better days ahead —today i am not okay, today i am not normal, but tomorrow is a new day, a day i look forward to. may you find peace in the darkest of your days..


these are the days that must happen to you. 

“bad things happen to good people. but no one ever got anywhere without going through deep shit” —life smacked me so hard in the face, legitimately. as the days pass i learn a little more about myself and the power i have to regain my strength. difficult times are life’s test. they’re what shape you into the human you were meant to be. some days will be easy, some days will be hard. some days you’ll feel happy, other days you’ll want to curl up in a ball with how broken you deeply feel. the important thing is that you take one step at a time. let yourself feel but also let yourself heal. be open to a helping hand, and help others in need. life sure is a bitch but how you handle it is how you will get through it. 

april 19, 2017


what I thought I understood behind this saying is not nearly how deeply I feel it today. I always preached this on those who hurt me but it wasn’t until I finally started to wake from the nightmare that I truly understood and felt every meaning behind this. hurt people, hurt people. they don’t do it with any intentions to do so, they do it out of suffering. those who hurt others are usually those suffering with their own pain. the amount of love you have around you should not in any way be measured by the amount of people you surround yourself with but instead with amount of love, loyalty and affection someone has to bring to your life—I will say first hand this year has been one of the most painful to date. that doesn’t mean I’m letting it kill me, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t suffered either. I’m starting to awaken from what has been the biggest nightmare of my life, and I’m beginning to grow through it with a little more strength as time passes. I’ve stopped making excuses for actions that were made. I’ve started to do what I can with all that I have control over, and most importantly, I have made a promise to myself to never lose sight of the girl I once was. some days will be good, some days will be bad. sometimes I’ll be normal, sometimes I’ll be broken. all I know is, this too shall pass. my happiness is important. I’m not sure I’m ready to forgive those who’ve hurt me, ever so deeply, but I do ask for forgiveness for those I hurt through my suffering.


april 12, 2017

They say time heals all, but what I feel is ups and downs. All these emotions come in waves. Some days feel light and I see the end of the dark road. Other days I feel like I have a hundred tons of weight on my shoulders. Today I feel my heart so heavy, like I can’t seem to find which direction to go. Reality is settling so harshly. I can feel the tears coming down my face and the tightness in my chest – fear of facing the demons, fear of facing what’s real. Fear has got to be the hardest thing to fight through – I try to repeat to myself to wake up, this is reality. Time will heal and things will begin to feel good again, as long I stop running. I will get through this, I will find my strength. I will be happy again, for happiness is found in the depths of your soul. Everything will fall into place, and what is meant to be will always be ❤️

the purest of love. 

as I lay here lost in thought, i can’t help but stare at my dog. on my toughest days i can honestly say i only stayed up because of him, because he needed me.

on days i want pure silence, he brings me the most tranquility and comfort, as he cannot judge or hurt me;

all he can do is love and i am so very thankful for that. love is all i need, the purest of the kind.