It wasn’t the first time, but this time it was either going to end really badly or someone was going to save me. In the back of my mind I asked over and over for help but I couldn’t spit the words out. I couldn’t find the strength to say I was scared, and maybe that was because part of me hoped it was just a nightmare, but it wasn’t. This time around, it was louder, more hurtful. I thought that’s where my life would end. None of my immediate family were physically in town and I felt absolutely helpless. Something at this moment made me call my sister. I can only imagine that my cry for help wasn’t a familiar one and what made my sister put a stop to it, I can’t even tell you. All I know is, my thoughts became her actions and what seemed like something never ending finally came to a stop.
At this point I was confused. Did this really just happen again? How did I let it get this far this time? Does mom know what’s going on? Why isn’t my family at arms reach? – when I say I was in a daze, it’s something I can’t even explain. Looking at myself in the mirror, and I all I could think about was “how am I going to explain this to everyone?” – this question should have been the least of my worries at this very moment. I wanted to cover up something that could have potentially escalated even further, losing all focus on the most important part of all of this: MYSELF. I couldn’t help but make excuses for someone who never deeply cared for my worth.
With no strength left to come to real terms with what had just happened and pure weakness to speak to a soul, I stayed dazed in a black hole with a sense of not wanting to exist anymore…
Today, nine months later, and what I felt above isn’t felt anymore. How and what I feel today is the complete opposite. Self-love has become the biggest importance in my life and I couldn’t be more content with the heights of happiness I’ve reached thus far. I am so grateful for all the support my family and close friends have shown me, giving me the time to deeply feel and heal from what I will say was the worst moment in my life.
A few words to my Sister: I owe my life to you, for listening deeply to my cry and saving my life. You truly are my hero.
Empower yourself, be one with the universe ✨