the worst is over. 

It’s been long awaited that I fully write this out, that I share this side of me in hopes to help another in these dark times. Have you ever felt so deeply hurt, so deeply torn, that you thought your existence wasn’t worth it. Have you ever allowed someone to control your every move, your every thought. Have you ever felt like the dark hole you were in was only getting darker and you were only getting deeper into what we call now a days, depression. Well…. I have. I’m not sure how I ended up at this point, but what I do know is, I surpassed it. I survived what was the hardest moment to handle. I became stronger, I became wiser, and most importantly I overcame it. I’m still working on myself; my decisions, my emotions, my thoughts. But I am here today. I’m alive, I’m breathing. 

I share this with you not to put a bad name on anyone, but to open your eyes. YOU are so very important in this world. You cannot by any means let anyone take the wheel of your life. You must always put yourself first. No, it’s not about selfishness, but instead about taking charge of your life because you my friend are the only one responsible for the outcome of your life. You may blame another for something they did to you, but how you react to it is what will lead you to the life you create. 

January 1, 2017 my life changed in a way I never imagined, I thought my life was over. I thought I was going to die. Not sure if at this point you understand where exactly I’m coming from, but let’s just say I was able to walk out of a fight – I walked out with a sore body, a broken house, and art left on my face for the world to see. I stood strong and didn’t hide, I let the world see what was left of me. At this point in time, I felt like my soul had died. I felt like there was nothing left of me. I could vividly see the images of the all the fights, I could hear him screaming at me, I could hear myself asking for it to come to a stop, but he just kept reacting. He kept going on and on. No matter how calmly I asked, he just wouldn’t stop. For months I thought this was it. I thought I’d never be able to fight through it. 

The girl who was once right here in this photo, she’s not the same girl she was in this exact moment. The girl in this photo is the one who thought she was defeated…. 


Today, I’m standing as strong as I’ve built myself to be and I am proud to say that when I look at this photo, I see art, art of destruction. But this art was also the kind that made me stand tall and say “I AM WORTHY, I AM WHOLE, YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT THE WARRIOR THAT WAS CREATED.”

For those of you who even think for ONE second that you can allow this kind of damage to break you, think again! This is what creates you! Don’t let life’s hits make you think anything less of yourself. 

The worst is surely over, but my story isn’t finished. Stay tuned 🙏🏼

• Empower yourself, be one with the universe. ✨

-Sash

Sunday, July 23rd, 2017. 

I used to hate you. I used to want you dead. You caused me so much pain, so much anger, so much hate. You made me become such an ugly person. You manipulated me. You made me think I was crazy. All of this when in reality it was you. YOU were the monster. You took me down with you, or at least you tried to, but I survived. It took seven months of dark months, but I made it through. 

Today, I want to thank you, not forgive you, but thank you for testing me. Today I am stronger, I am wiser, and most importantly, I’m better than I’ve ever been in 27 years. 

THANK YOU. 

Sash

July 18, 2017 

11:06PM

I remember six months ago I couldn’t bare to close my eyes at night… better yet, be alone. I would hear the screams getting louder, and louder, when the room was too quiet. I could visualize the disaster being made, arms everywhere, the evil look in his eyes. I could feel my chest tighten, my shortness of breathe, my heart racing how scared I was for my life.

Today, there’s something about quiet nights that soothe my soul. Quiet apartment, candles lit, and all I hear is my heartbeat. 

What was once my most feared moment of the day is now one of my favorites; a calm end to the day.
Sash.

tuesday thoughts. 

June 27, 2017 9:52PM 

i am solely sharing these thoughts with you as a reminder that not all understand what another may be going through. not all of us know what it’s like to feel as small as an ant. not all are understanding of their true, inner strength. 
this post is for the individuals who thinks it’s okay to let another human tear them down to the darkest moments of their lives. this goes to you, the human who thinks they are alone, i am with you. i am a victim of depression, a victim of negative thoughts, a victim of complete brokenness. i too am a victim of feeling like life wasn’t worth it, but today, i am one who is more understanding of life as a whole although everyday is different. some days I want to hide, some days i could laugh until my tummy hurts, and then i have days i want to cry and be held, but other days I’m so thankful for how far I’ve reached. 

life has yet to workout as I’ve ever pictured, but there’s something about year twenty-seven that this is finally my year to turn everything around. this is it.

i find some kind of peace when i write.

finding it harder and harder to express myself when i speak, yet finding it easier as i write it out for you all. as i sit and let my thoughts wander, they suddenly start to make sense. writing all of sudden calms my soul, it puts me at ease, bringing my mind and body at pure tranquillity. i can’t express it enough how deeply i feel, how some days are heavier than others. i look forward to better days ahead —today i am not okay, today i am not normal, but tomorrow is a new day, a day i look forward to. may you find peace in the darkest of your days..

sbensimon 

these are the days that must happen to you. 

“bad things happen to good people. but no one ever got anywhere without going through deep shit” —life smacked me so hard in the face, legitimately. as the days pass i learn a little more about myself and the power i have to regain my strength. difficult times are life’s test. they’re what shape you into the human you were meant to be. some days will be easy, some days will be hard. some days you’ll feel happy, other days you’ll want to curl up in a ball with how broken you deeply feel. the important thing is that you take one step at a time. let yourself feel but also let yourself heal. be open to a helping hand, and help others in need. life sure is a bitch but how you handle it is how you will get through it. 

april 19, 2017

HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE.

what I thought I understood behind this saying is not nearly how deeply I feel it today. I always preached this on those who hurt me but it wasn’t until I finally started to wake from the nightmare that I truly understood and felt every meaning behind this. hurt people, hurt people. they don’t do it with any intentions to do so, they do it out of suffering. those who hurt others are usually those suffering with their own pain. the amount of love you have around you should not in any way be measured by the amount of people you surround yourself with but instead with amount of love, loyalty and affection someone has to bring to your life—I will say first hand this year has been one of the most painful to date. that doesn’t mean I’m letting it kill me, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t suffered either. I’m starting to awaken from what has been the biggest nightmare of my life, and I’m beginning to grow through it with a little more strength as time passes. I’ve stopped making excuses for actions that were made. I’ve started to do what I can with all that I have control over, and most importantly, I have made a promise to myself to never lose sight of the girl I once was. some days will be good, some days will be bad. sometimes I’ll be normal, sometimes I’ll be broken. all I know is, this too shall pass. my happiness is important. I’m not sure I’m ready to forgive those who’ve hurt me, ever so deeply, but I do ask for forgiveness for those I hurt through my suffering.

—sashadanabensimon